1. Dads Must Learn How to Serve (Matt. 23.11)
You cannot be selfish as a father. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many.” A dad does not lord his authority over his family, he sacrifices for their good. He puts himself last.
2. Dads Must Protect Their Families (John 17.15)
From ancient times, the role of a Father in the home was that of a protector from physical threats. The Biblical role expands the role of protector to protection from spiritual threats to the vitality of the family. These include outside influences such as friends and media that might be harmful. A faithful protector and guard, a Father never abandons his family – he is there for them. If a man wants to have a secure wife and children, he will never leave them – he will show up for them consistently.
3. Dads Provide for Their Families (Matt. 6.24-35)
God has called Dads to provide support and security. A Godly father provides emotional support through a willingness to listen and not just give answers or criticize. He provides financially by increasing his skills to maximize income and by being a wise steward of his family’s resources. How many of us as men spend money foolishly on toys and gadgets instead of putting our families first?
4. Dads are Willing to Be Mr. Mom
This took me a long time to learn as a man but it has produced more direct value in my marriage than a thousand sermons and spiritual books. Read that again. Learning to do what mom does around the house – dishes, laundry, cooking, sweeping, mopping, picking up – will instantly change the dynamics of your home. Many of us are from the “old school” of masculinity. Where our identity was wrapped up in our job, title, and machismo. The Lord Jesus breaks that image and gives you a new one – be a partner with your wife in the home by being Mr. Mom. I dare you to try this.
5. Dads Spend Time With Their Kids
You’ve heard the saying that it’s not about “quantity” of time but “quality” of time that matters. It’s rubbish. Both matter equally. You can’t just show up for birthdays and weddings and call it even. How do your kids know you love them? Love is spelled T-I-M-E. That’s the most precious asset you have. At your funeral, your kids won’t be talking about the XBOX or iPod you bought them. They will be talking about the times spent together playing and being silly.
Don’t be afraid to tear up the grass while playing with your kids. You are raising kids, not grass.
6. Dads Show Physical Affection (Titus 3.2)
Dads, if you don’t give your children physical affection – kisses, hugs, caresses, hold their hands – someone else will. Your children need physical affection every day. Read that again. It is like a need for food, water, and air.
Physical touch is a love language. You have the choice to wield this power of touch for good or evil, to nurture or to abuse.
7. Dads Set Boundaries for Their Kids
Children will make mistakes and they will fail. That is guaranteed. Your role, as a father, is to help create a healthy structure for them to grow in. Your children need boundaries. They need to know what to do – what is right and what is wrong. Some things, they learn through experience. But if they have to learn everything by experience, they will get hurt permanently.
Use God’s rules as your own. They are the values for your home. Rules are different. Things like how loud music is played, curfews, age at which kids are permitted to drive are rules. They change over time. They should be based on values. Ask God for wisdom in this. Values are: lying, cheating, honoring your father and mother, treating others in the way they want to be treated, etc.
When enforcing the rules and values in the house, be firm and fair. Don’t lose your temper. If you are angry, take a moment to cool off before disciplining your children. Know yourself. Don’t be overbearing, controlling, or abusive.
8. Dads Should Encourage Their Kids (1 Thess. 5.14, Matt. 3)
Proverbs instructs, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Learn your child’s strengths and weaknesses. What are her gifts and talents?
Encourage their gifts, even if their gifts are different than yours. Read that again. As Dads, we tend to get disinterested if our children are different than us or how we were as kids. We don’t understand them, so we disengage. God wants you to encourage their gifts not your gifts in them. Remember, God has a plan for their lives, a purpose and destiny beyond what you see. Your children are not your own. God has trusted you with them and you will stand before Him one day to answer for what you did with that trust.
Encourage your kids in public. God did. He said, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” Tell them you love them. Give them confidence and believe in them. Always show that you value the uniqueness of WHO they are more than WHAT they do or don’t do.
9. A Dad Must Love and Respect His Children’s Mother
Abraham Lincoln said, “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.” If you are not married to their mother, you must still honor her. Never belittle their mother – jokes at her expense, say she’s dumb or ditzy, call her old or ugly.
10. A Dad Must Love and Obey God
A father must set the example in caring what God thinks more than anyone else. He must make Jesus Lord of his life and that of his home. When you are wrong, admit it. Ask forgiveness. Don’t let pride dominate your life. Humble yourself and be real before your kids. Let your kids what the Lord Jesus is like through your life. Laugh at your mistakes and don’t be so serious.
11. A Dad Teaches His Family to Love God and Have Fun Doing It
Teach your children about God. Don’t depend on the church to do it. It’s your job to read the Bible to them. Pray with them. Lead them to Jesus. Make sure they know the Gospel. Tell them in your own way not like the Pastor. Don’t assume they know and understand it. Give them books they can understand to learn about the Lord Jesus. Be honest with them. If you don’t understand something, that’s ok. Tell them you don’t understand or you don’t know.
If you’re not excited about the things of God – church, the Bible, prayer, worship – why would they be? There should be joy and fun in serving Jesus. They will do what you do not what you say.
12. Dads Don’t Lead Out of Fear But Out of Faith
None of us are perfect as Dads. We all make mistakes. We must trust God when we don’t know what to do. We need His wisdom in guidance. Our work must be done in prayer. Pray for your kids and trust God to answer. Don’t lean on your own understanding – trust God. Ask Him for help. Pray for your kids everyday about everything.
Your kids want you to be their hero. Be a man of faith. Don’t be afraid of the day in which we live. God will guide you and your children through it victoriously. Your family will not only survive but thrive.
Pastor Steve Ulibarri is the Senior Pastor at Family Worship Center in Albuquerque, NM.
